Guilty Admissions

Ok, I am going to admit something. I know this makes me sound very selfish and shallow, but it is true. Although I never vocalized it, as the date for the mission trip approached, I did NOT want Brian to go. I wanted him home with me. I was scared to be alone. He has never left home for an entire week before.

An amazing this happened though. Sunday's sermon at church was VERY thought provoking for me. I thought and thought about it Sunday afternoon. I wished that Brian were home to talk to me about it. But he wasn't. I went to my bedroom, dropped to my knees and cried. Totally sobbed. I sobbed because my guys were gone. I cried because I was scared. But mainly I cried in response to the sermon. I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me this week. I asked for guidance in what my response should be.

I can now honestly say that I am GLAD that Brian isn't home this week. I can't hide behind him and his knowledge of the Bible and God. I have muddled through it myself and guess what? I am growing. I can feel it. The Lord is stretching me in ways that are painful but good. I am learning things about myself. I am putting aside the lies that I believe about myself and truly looking at who God made me to be. Still figuring out what that looks like, but the Holy Spirit won't leave me hanging. I am sure of that!

And, guess what! I can survive without him home. I have had a good week enjoying my children, their friends, and yes, even time for myself. Still looking forward to having them home. I am hoping he will be pleasantly surprised at all the things I did around here this week. That is one of the lies - I can't do certain things. Yes I have to do it in moderation, but I CAN!! And of course I can't wait to talk to him about the revelations I have had this week concerning myself.

Bye bye lies! Hello truths!