Our Little Corner of the World: Dear Zachary

My dad wrote this letter to Zachary shortly after his birth. He wrote it on the small note pads they had in the waiting room. When he first gave it to me to read, I had to stop because it was too raw and real. Brian thought he could read it, but after one page, he hung his head and sobbed as well. I have attempted to type this out, but have never been able to do so without sobbing. It is so full of raw emotion and honesty that I decided to type it no matter how much I sob! It is also time for Zach to read it. As much as I love my dad, I have to say that his handwriting is VERY hard to read. So, I type this as a type of therapy for me and a way for Zach to be able to read the letter.

As I watched Zach walk home from the golf course tonight carrying his clubs, all I could do was smile. Well, my eyes did leak a little! :) It is hard to even grasp what happened to him those first three weeks of his life. This letter, though, reminds me of that time and it is painful. Yet, it is a blessed reminder of where he "came from" so that we can appreciate where he is now!

These are my dad's thoughts and words. They are not mine. I did NOT leave out or add anything.

So, I give you a glimpse into Zach's first days through the eyes of my dad.

Dear Zachary,

I write this at 9:35 pm on March 27, 1998 in the St. Francis ICU waiting room in Peoria, Illinois. You are down the hall with tubes protruding from your 8 pound 11 ounce body.

The reason I am writing this is in the hope that someday you will come to understand the meaning of these first few days of your life. Some day when you look at your mother and father and think they don't understand you or don't care about what you want, you will read this and maybe understand the depth of their love for you. Maybe some day when you are having a tough time remembering your Great-Mamaw and Great-Papaw you will read this and catch a glimpse of their caring and their love.

Tonight, your Grandma Ellis and I are staying here in the waiting room while everyone tries to rest. Last night, after you were born, before your mom could hold you, you were whisked away to the intensive unit at the hospital in Urbana, Illinois. Your dad followed you to the Intensive care unit and there you were turned over to the specialist for care.

As the news grew darker about your condition, calls were made to your Papaw Burton and Great-Grandpa Wellman and they immediately began, at 10 pm, a trip to be with you and your mom and dad.

Each passing hour brought a roller coaster of emotions and as we rode that ride, it seemed each time we ended at a lower point. Now the news was grave. You would be transferred to Peoria to a hospital better capable to deal with your troubles. As we waiting for the helicopter that would transport you, we did not know what was ahead. Your mom and dad only knew their little boy was in grave danger and was being taken from them. They brought in a special carrier which only allowed your mom and dad to reach their hands through a small opening and touch your little body. With that, you were once again whisked away from them and they cried. Your dad tried to be strong and reached out and touched your mom's back as she cried.

Although you were being whisked away in a helicopter, you would not be alone when you got there because your Mamaw and Papaw Burton were driving over to Peoria at 2 am. You Mamaw had spent the day before with your mom as she prepared for your birth. Then the next day had been with her since 6 am. Now, over 24 hours later, she was leaving to be with you so you would not be alone. Your Papaw Burton, after a four house drive in the middle of the night, began another trip with your Mamaw so she would not be alone.

throughout the day of your birth, your Mamaw, Great-Mamaw, and Aunt Kelly had been by your mom and dad's side. Now as the evening grew dark, they held on to each other and prayed for you.

Your Grandma Ellis and I stayed with your mom and dad. We all tried to rest and wait for news. The news we received in those early hours from your Mamaw Burton was yet another low point on the roller coaster ride we had been on since you were born. You were to be operated on immediately. So the little boy your mom and dad had longed to have was, in the first hours of his life, going into an operating room and would begin to struggle for his life.

in those early hours, you were being prayed for by Catholic, Lutheran, Methodist, and independent Christian churches. The reason so many were praying that God would give you the strength to win your struggle for life was because they loved your mom and dad. Although they had never met, they also loved a little boy named Zachary.

Your Grandma and Grandpa Paragi were told of your condition in the early morning hours and got into the car to be by your side. With little rest, if any, they began their four hour journey.

Your Great-Mamaw Wellman had spent the entire day and night at the hospital even though she was 71 years old and had her own open heart surgery a few short years ago. Your Great-Papaw was now with her and they were each comforted by the presence of each other.

As the morning wore on and everyone now waited for word of your operation, you mom and dad begin the steps to leave and to be by your side.

There have been a lot of tears shed during these first hours of your life. Each of us heart broken that you have to wage this struggle this day. Each of us heart broken that your mom and dad have to suffer this tragedy. Nothing has come easy for your mom in life, she has had to struggle for each scrape from life's plate. It is so unfair that she must struggle with this. So terribly unfair. But, if ever there were two people who could deal with this, it is your mom and dad. Life has prepared them well for you and whatever lies ahead.

It is now the early morning of March 28th, 1998 and you are ding well. Tonight Grandma and Grandpa Paragi will be with you as we continue to wait.

I guess what these words are all about is to let you know how much you were, and are, loved. You were born into a nasty world where people discard their children as if they were disposable garbage. A world of hate and anger. But you were, and are, loved and as long as you know that everything will be alright. God Bless You,

Love, Grandpa Ellis

Zach pre-surgery.. If you look closely you will see he still has the ear covers on from the helicopter ride. I recently realized that this is the only picture I have with Zach's chest without an incision or scar!