Twenty Years!

Twenty years ago this evening, I walked down the aisle and said "I Do."  

Seriously?  It has been twenty years?  I am amazed when I think about it.  Hearing the number twenty makes it seem like "forever" ago.  But, it seems like just yesterday that I was standing there staring at Brian for what seemed like an eternity as "Everything I Do" was being sung.  Yes, we had that song at our wedding!  And yes, we stood there holding hands looking at each other lovingly through the ENTIRE song.  And yes, we quickly found out that the song was way too long to look longingly into each other's eyes without laughing!  And yes, we did giggle!

If you would have asked me that evening what I thought we would be doing in twenty years, I am not sure what I would have said.   I know that the last twenty years have been quite a ride.  Some moments were pure enjoyment and exhilaration - birth of our children, first jobs, promotions, buying houses.  Some of those moments were pure terror - Zach's surgery, my MS diagnosis.

  Did those type of things even enter my mind that evening?  Sure, all the exhilarating moments.  The terror moments?  Nope!  Never even crossed my mind.  So, if I had scripted our last twenty years, it would have looked different.  

I am glad I am not in charge of scripting!  While I do not believe God caused those terror moments to happen in our lives, I do believe He used them to grow us and our relationship.  All aspects of this wild ride have made us what we are today.  On most days, that is a good thing!  :)

I can tell you that I do not love Brian like I did that evening 20 years ago.  I love him more and differently.  Oh, I do still get that giddy college girl feeling when he gives me a kiss goodnight or a big hug.  It is just that my love goes deeper than that now.  I truly don't have the words to convey my thoughts or feelings about the depth of the love.  

I know that our future and this roller coaster that we call marriage will continue to hold moments of exhilaration and moments of terror.  I do not know what those moments will look like.  However, I know who I want to be holding ME through those moments.  The man I walked down the aisle with 20 years ago!